Friendship or Flying monkey

 When you're at the end of a controlling relationship, keep your true friends and family close. It doesn't matter if you only have two friends ,what matters is that you know you can count on them. They'll be there for you, and you'll be there for them.

I found out the hard way. The day I left, some “friends” disappeared immediately. They didn’t ask questions, didn’t check in. Instead, they took sides , his side. They became what I later learned are called “flying monkeys”: people who do the abuser’s dirty work, knowingly or not. They spied, spread rumours, inserted themselves into our private life. It hurts more than I can explain , not just the betrayal, but the denial. pretending. The gas lighting from people who claimed to care.

But in all of that pain, I saw something clearly: the power of true friendship.

I only had two people who stayed. They didn’t take sides. They didn’t ask for explanations or gossip. They showed up. For me. For my boys. And that was everything. You don’t need a circle of twenty , sometimes two people standing firmly in your corner are enough to remind you who you are and that you’re not alone.

Now I understand that abuse is not just about bruises or screaming matches. It’s about control, manipulation, and power , and it often continues even after you walk away. But I’ve also learned that reclaiming your peace, protecting your truth, and holding tight to the people who see you, that’s power too.

But I’ve learned. I’ve seen who’s real and who’s not. And I’ve realised that having one or two people who stand by you is worth more than a dozen who disappear the moment things get hard.

Flying Monkeys

A "flying monkey" is a term from popular psychology, originating from The Wizard of Oz, that describes a person manipulated by a narcissist or abuser to act on their behalf, often unknowingly. These individuals may carry out the abuser's "dirty work," such as spreading rumors, gathering information on a victim, or pressuring them to reconcile. They act as enablers, helping the narcissist maintain control and a positive public image while inflicting harm on a victim.

 

My peace and happiness x 

 I first met him 15 years ago. He seemed to take a keen interest in me right from the start. He made the first move—asking if I was okay, checking in, showing what seemed like genuine concern. Then he asked me out on a date.

I was only 20 years old. Still so young. Technically an adult, but in many ways, not fully developed mentally or emotionally. Like so many at that age, I was still trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted, and what love was supposed to look like.

Looking back now, I can see how easily I could be influenced—how much I wanted to feel seen, wanted, and cared for. What I didn’t realise then was that what started as attention would slowly turn into control.

I didn’t realise that what started as control would twist itself into rage—silent at first, then sharp enough to cut through my sense of self. I didn’t see it coming, how slowly I’d be stripped down, until I didn’t even recognise who I was anymore. I thought I was just in a relationship. I didn’t know I was stepping into a war zone.

I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath either for how he wouldn’t let go, how he’d send others after me, how his friends his flying monkeys would watch me, follow me, report back. It wasn’t just him I had to survive. It was the whole circle of control, the web he spun that extended far beyond our time together.

At the end, I thought I’d walk away broken, but free. Instead, I walked into a new kind of prison: being watched, doubted, haunted. But even in that, I’ve begun to rebuild. Piece by piece, I’m learning who I am again outside of his control, outside of their games.

Not only am I learning who I am, but I'm also starting to see who my true friends are  who I can truly trust. All I want is peace and happiness.

Through the journey of finding myself, I’ve also found out who was really there for me. I’ve seen who was quick to take sides during the breakdown of my relationship, and who chose to get involved in ways that only made things harder.

But I will never stop fighting for the justice that me and my boys deserve.

He and his flying monkeys can try to tear me down. They can try to destroy me, try to leave me with nothing. But I will never give up. I will keep going. I will continue rising. And I will always make myself stronger.

 

Introduction

For 15 years, I lived under the weight of abuse—emotional, financial, and controlling. For so long, I stayed silent, carrying the pain alone. But over the last two years, I’ve found the strength and courage to step forward and finally tell my story.

I’m no longer hiding. I’m ready.

I’m sharing my story not just to release what I’ve held inside, but to reach others who might be where I once was—afraid, unheard, and trapped. You are not alone. Your voice matters.

I want this to make a difference. No one should ever feel like they have to suffer in silence. No one should be made to feel powerless in their own life.

So, if you're reading this and you're ready—come on this journey with me. Let’s rebuild the strength that was taken from us. Let’s show the world what it means to survive, to heal, and to rise.